Multi-Universe & Now

I have an average layman\"s working knowledge of particle physics, chaos theory, and "many worlds theory" MWT (see here) to understand that the most knowledgeable among us, knows almost nothing about how the universe actually works.  I\"m not discrediting factual human knowledge either.  If you have read other posts, I don\"t find god or watch-maker-like explanations of the universe very personally empowering.  

I do think.  I am a human.  The appeal of the exotic tantalizes me, and the mundane bores me: maybe as much as the next fellow.  We all, perhaps, are escaping from the "freedom" of self-expression at some fundamental level.  So even after a half-hearted acknowledgement (just the fact that I know something of these topics is so elating!), I do put my arms around the reality that I do have before me.

I\"ve done the magic trip, (astral travel, or what I think it must be in the creative power of the brains imaginary abilities), it was like a movie of all the possible ways I might choose to live my life.  I think that for many years of personal private and public prayer I was creating some of these magical trips. So the activity as an atheist feels somehow familiar.  

I\"m curious as to why I can ponder all these different choices that I imagine myself being capable of "choosing".  Now, this thing that is way more illusive than anything else I can ponder, (this precious now), what am I doing right now?

Now is creation.  I think we as humans are creators.  We imagine a Creator or many creators, and do so because of very human agility to create.   I\"m doing it right now.

The multiple volumes of good self-help books that underpin my thinking, and even the ones that I arrogantly sniff at.  Why do we consume more pulp-fiction style, pseudo-scientific, crap?  I have, and will likely do so again.  The boring slogging progress of good science leaves our creative minds with so many possibilities. 

I\"m struggling to say that until we know all things for sure, I get to create.  You do too.  My life is so much different today than it was even six months ago.  I\"ve been exploring me.  I\"m mindful (not really) of so many choices that I am making.  

One Decision* reminds me of man\"s ability to market common knowledge, and profit.  So after I gag on what I already know.  I admit that I bought the book, and then realize why I support the circular cycle.  I don\"t really do the hard work of creating what I want.  I get to pay for my inattention by buying another book to be reminded of what I already know.  How much of what I\"ve written so far resonates with you?  Don\"t be irritated with the obvious.

If I where more honest, I\"d be perhaps more enlightened.  I\"d have more clarity.  I want more of what I don\"t even know I want.  The ridiculous sums of money the government is going to spend on advertising it\"s own programs shows that there is no way around the barriers what we has humans have come up with to "stabilize" our lives.  In stabilizing we traumatize ourselves.  I do.  You don\"t?

So today, right now, I have this moment.  I cherish it, and mourn the passing moments.  I don\"t know what to do with my day off?  I\"ve done a few things that are, at face-value (I suppose), important to my own on-going survival.  

I\"m still the same wounded, writhing, lost person that I\"ve always been.  I think that now, I embrace it.  Yesterday, last month, last year, last decade . . . not so much.  I was trying, but not like I\"m trying now.  Things are changing.  It\"s really scary. It\"s not easy.  I want to run.  I want to stagnate.  I want to die sometimes (but not as frequently or as badly as I did at other points in my life).

Today I live. I hope, really live.  This is where I\"m at.  These are things I think about.  I don\"t have it figured out.  I think I don\"t want to ever get it all figured out either.  This just maybe is the whole point.  

Exploration is about exploring.  Traveling is about the journey.  The road ahead is just that: the road ahead.  What of past?  What of it?  Maybe up ahead, around the bend, up the hill, the past will be a bit clearer.  Maybe it will be even more confusing.  The thing is simple.  How about making even one small authentic choice.  I think I made several just now, while I was writing this.

So while I cures you Mike Bayer for having perhaps a few more dollars jingling in your pocket than I and the rest of us who bought your book:  thank you?  Yeah.  I\"m grateful.  I\"m thankful for a gay man that has found a way to raise the stakes for the rest of us.  My road to living my most authentic life might have just one less pebble, rock, boulder in my way.  Life is not easy.  Who said it would be?  I know.  I know.  If "my yoke is easy, my burden is light" crap get\"s you past the next obstacle, than okay.  It didn\"t really work for me when I did try to believe it and apply to my life.  I was not able to be me.

I am freer now with out that "bondage" of a "yoke".  Plain old fried eggs are good too.  Those yokes...stop it don\"t go there.  Of course at some point, in another universe....people died for saying what they honestly believed to be true just because powerful people believed stuff for sure that we now sniff at and can roll our eyes at.  My head won\"t literally roll this afternoon after clicking "publish".  I hope that in future we don\"t need to expend precious human life either for similar hubris.  I do feel afraid of that possibility, even in my life-time.

To avoid creating that terrifying possibility I commit to empathy and compassion.  I need it.  You need it, and we all do.  These are virtues that are within my grasp.  I can be kind to myself and others.  Do this enough, and maybe, just maybe the world will keep evolving into a better and happier place for all humans and sentient beings.

Now has already become now.  Many worlds of possibilities may be contemplated.  Let\"s grasp and cling to those possibilities that make us better and more loving.  This is my authentic decision, for now! Should I say:  for as many nows that I can possibly grasp.

*Bayer, Mike. One Decision: The First Step to a Better Life. United States, Penguin Publishing Group, 2020.