I am

A copy of a post to my fellow gay fathers who journey with me.

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Hello all. I'm doing pretty well. My partner is facing a concerning cancer diagnosis, and I keep doing my own internal work. I like to do exercises that spur my internal growth. Here is one that I found challenging and perhaps even helpful after taking some defenses down. I'd put the book down for a good while, and perhaps Blackwolf & Gina Jones' ideas on internal growth are not for all, but I felt a sense of triumph this morning, as I did some re-framing. In-spite of wading through considerable non-sense, I did tap into something that is real for me. (I tend not to read in this specific spiritual pop psychology genre. Far too often, for me, it has side-tracked me from facing reality as it is, and perhaps old mis-guided attempts at self-improvement did have a net benefit of helping me figure some things out. For my own reasons, harder sciences, better researched ideas, satisfy more deeply.) I also wanted to go down negative interpretations of each stem word, and then I decided, no, I can create what I want. Here it is gentlemen. It's not supposed to be anything more than it actually is, me speaking my own truths, catching glimpses of an internal, solid self, that remains centered, and unharmed by all the storms of life that have tried to beat me up. If it inspires something in you, well then, that's you doing your own work which is really the whole point of life's journey. Well that's what I think.

I am

Sacred Self Sacred Relationships by Blackwolf & Gina Jones, pg.82 (1st two words are stem starter words)

I wonder at the vastness of my beingness.

I feel amazed at my uniqueness.

I see all my parts.

I want peace throughout all my being.

I love who I am: gay me, yes!

I try to nurture my littler wounded parts.

I smile at all the inspiration that fills my life.

I am ENOUGH (pride).

I worry like any human.

I cry and allow feelings to pass through.

I pretend as in "pre" - “tend” the resources of my inner warrior.

I touch the god within my chest: my own I AM-ness.

I struggle and becoming stronger…

I hear the beat of my own heart-drum: it’s strong.

I dream my way, my own path forward.

I am RESOURCEFUL (honest).

I understand my world through all my senses.

I say out loud what I know to be true.

I know that I create the meaning of my life’s journey.

I discover who I am, mature, and grow: a personal evolution.

I honor my past and thrive in the present.

I hope and create the future I want.

I pray to embrace simple reality, effectively and courageously.

I am my own MAN (Calm).

P.S. Some years prior to coming out (exact timing is hard to place. I started coming out to myself 5-6 years ago, privately to friends and family three years ago, and publicly under my given name, to be determined still), I did another exercise inspired by a resource that I found helpful. "The Compound Effect" by Darren Hardy, which helped me narrow my down my values to my top three: Pride, Honesty, and Calm. I still feel these values to be just as important years on, and they do guide large and small decisions, the smaller ones keep adding up. Yes!