A peek into the abyss of "I AM"

^{John 8:58} Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Before Abraham was born, I am.

^{John 8:59} They took up stones therefore to cast at him: but Jesus hid himself, and went out of the temple. 

I had the joy of reaching out about a year ago to my sister.  She finally left a difficult high demand situation.  I had left my guru, Ricky Neville almost 10 years ago.  My sister stayed, the only person in my family to stay.  She stayed for another 9 years.  She might be defined and labeled accurately as damaged.    Deeply damaged.  In attempting to reach out after years of not being able to do so.  I wrote her a letter.  In this letter I speak of I AM.  To those of us who have a context of what the Judeo-Christian teach regarding the Christ being the "I AM" this may hold some meaning.

I wrote my sister:

I'm saying something very deep and something very healing.  I AM.  YOU ARE.  WE ARE. I know that you have no idea what I'm talking about.  You need to accept that I AM is {my sister's full name}.  The God of love bows in reverential awe of the soul that would cease the cowardice of groveling worship and stand up and say with the sages of all time I AM.  You are repulsed.  You think I'm lying.  You think that I AM is blaspheme.  

I AM is.  Regardless of what you think or what I think.  I AM.  Nothing more.  

All that you hold sacred is shaken.  It is not shaken. It is solidifying.  You deserve to be your own version of I AM and stand up for yourself.  I am not talking here of things that have no substance.  "Trust Jesus" really?  how does that contrast to that which I'm championing here.  So I trust that I won't damage you.  I hope that love, not smothering "DO it my way" or the "Low-way" will appeal to something that is so fragile that it may well be years until such an opportunity presents itself in this format.  I hope to save you years of grinding agony.  

Because we trusted Jesus we are on this journey.   I don't mean that in a disparagingly cryptic way either.  The fact is I have trusted.  I'm finding that many others have trusted too.  We are not disappointed either.  We don't have much of a home team to cheer us on, but we are.  I'm just Dr Obvious.  I've said nothing new, nothing that you've not thought of in a region of your awareness called by scientist implicit memory.

You are.  You have been. You will be.  You are enough.  You are FREE.

I AM contains the very quintessential essence of freedom.  According to Sartre and other existential thinkers, this is the reason we are prone to fleeing our being and nothingness.  Sartre outlines this subconscious awareness of "damned to be free" contained in the very definition of existence---something he described with the word "beingness".  

There is an abyss.  It's wrapped up in I AM.  It is not an abyss of nihilism.  It may not even be labeled by the materialistic realism "we exist for no purpose".  This I AM is who we might all be at our very centers, that of which we don't know how to handle, so we label it bad; of which we fear so much.   Not only is it powerful, but somehow we know deeply that it may be miss-guided and miss-used to our own destruction---therefore man's penchant for doing everything but own "I AM". The classifications might extend back through the ages endlessly: "EGO", Jehovah, Alah, Zeus, back farther than recorded history.  

I wonder if this I AM is what we so carefully avoid in tracing our waking up to beingness. All our ways of objectifying and describing our existence. And still I AM.  YOU ARE. WE ARE.

Language is ultimately very imprecise.   . . . so I meditate, I touch my toes in the vast ocean of I AM, and hauntingly realize that I'm just looking into my own eyes.  I'd like to venture,  the eyes of eternity and the very essence of existence and that which we define as impermanence.  I shall not be so high-minded as to think that I stand alone in my own awareness looking into "my own eyes".  No those eyes are ALL eyes---at least this is what I'd like to think.  The essence of this very vision is the shared existence of AWARENESS.

I think that Jesus, might have had a sense of this I AM when he claimed deity for himself.  Obviously the Christian faith rejects any association with this idea of I AM because it usurps the deity's prerogative to such adulation.  Lucifer the archangel, according to the story in the "BAD Book" fell from his exulted position in the heavenly hierarchy supposedly over  his usurpation of "being as god".  Now we have evil in the world, according to this model.  We are damned by proxy if we don't submit to the proper deity.  It is scary to think outside this "pre-approved" model.  Well it's only scary if you buy the myth.

So here I AM with all it's obscurity . . . think on it.