I did a integrated family systems model exercise this morning for 10 minutes. It took me most of the 10 minutes to get quite. I've had for several years an extremely difficult time every time I see a homeless person. I'm over-whelmed with pity and empathy, but healthy compassion does not seem to emerge very comfortably.
So this mental exploration trip into the person-hood of that part of me that feels compassion, the want to help, was most fascinating. My goal was simply to be present with that part of me. No criticism. A loving acceptance and a willingness to get to know this part of me. I'm scared of it in many ways.
I often experience feelings of helplessness, over-identification, empathy that goes down the wrong the roads of seeing myself in that person's shoes, which has a small measure of value, but there comes a point that I re-coil, and begin criticizing, I flee the part that gets to identifying the emotional implications of a destitute life. Destitute is a scary word. It's best to run, is the feeling I get.
I'm noticing something important. (I know there is a term for this, but cannot think of the word at the moment): I become that person, for a few minutes. This in a nut shell is not what that destitute person needs. He may want most understanding. Non-judgment. Recognition of his value as a person. Encouragement to be himself, and get back to the fundamental notion, that in-side lies the fortitude to face any circumstance of life and eventually walk out of the trouble.
The feasibility of feeling wholeness in the middle of asking for an hand-out is startling for me to consider.
So I wondered at the possibility of just being comfortable. Seeing my wise self just sit with a person in a destitute situation, and just be present. Suddenly the lights started coming on for me. This person of compassion within, did not feel overwhelmed by over-identification at all. No, there seemed to be a startling realization, a "What if" image popped into my mind.
"What if" I spent a day, or an hour or two with a homeless person. What if I were to instead of walking in their shoes in my imagination, actually go walking with a homeless person. What if I relieved him of holding out the cup for a donation. What if, I were to walk over to the cars at the stop light, in my work attire, smile and say, "I'm helping Carl raise $1,000 to get him off the streets, tomorrow he's going to help Peter over in Windsor do the same thing." These persons are determined to get back on their feet!
I feel another part of myself wanting to think of why this would not work, but truly, what would happen? "What if" in 3-4 minutes this compassion part of me, offered a long-term solution to homelessness in Colorado?
Lost dignity is the perception that I have when I view a destitute person. Why is this? Do I perceive that I might loose dignity if I were in a similar condition? This is fascinating. I'm curious where this thinking might take me. I think it might be a model that might fix the long-term problems that stalk the person's self-image. Why would I or "Carl" be less dignified? Who is hiding from who? Does the person holding out his hand actually have a personal self-image problem? How about me? Is this the stark reminder that we re-coil at. "I'm glad I'm not him."
So this mental exploration trip into the person-hood of that part of me that feels compassion, the want to help, was most fascinating. My goal was simply to be present with that part of me. No criticism. A loving acceptance and a willingness to get to know this part of me. I'm scared of it in many ways.
I often experience feelings of helplessness, over-identification, empathy that goes down the wrong the roads of seeing myself in that person's shoes, which has a small measure of value, but there comes a point that I re-coil, and begin criticizing, I flee the part that gets to identifying the emotional implications of a destitute life. Destitute is a scary word. It's best to run, is the feeling I get.
I'm noticing something important. (I know there is a term for this, but cannot think of the word at the moment): I become that person, for a few minutes. This in a nut shell is not what that destitute person needs. He may want most understanding. Non-judgment. Recognition of his value as a person. Encouragement to be himself, and get back to the fundamental notion, that in-side lies the fortitude to face any circumstance of life and eventually walk out of the trouble.
The feasibility of feeling wholeness in the middle of asking for an hand-out is startling for me to consider.
So I wondered at the possibility of just being comfortable. Seeing my wise self just sit with a person in a destitute situation, and just be present. Suddenly the lights started coming on for me. This person of compassion within, did not feel overwhelmed by over-identification at all. No, there seemed to be a startling realization, a "What if" image popped into my mind.
"What if" I spent a day, or an hour or two with a homeless person. What if I were to instead of walking in their shoes in my imagination, actually go walking with a homeless person. What if I relieved him of holding out the cup for a donation. What if, I were to walk over to the cars at the stop light, in my work attire, smile and say, "I'm helping Carl raise $1,000 to get him off the streets, tomorrow he's going to help Peter over in Windsor do the same thing." These persons are determined to get back on their feet!
I feel another part of myself wanting to think of why this would not work, but truly, what would happen? "What if" in 3-4 minutes this compassion part of me, offered a long-term solution to homelessness in Colorado?
Lost dignity is the perception that I have when I view a destitute person. Why is this? Do I perceive that I might loose dignity if I were in a similar condition? This is fascinating. I'm curious where this thinking might take me. I think it might be a model that might fix the long-term problems that stalk the person's self-image. Why would I or "Carl" be less dignified? Who is hiding from who? Does the person holding out his hand actually have a personal self-image problem? How about me? Is this the stark reminder that we re-coil at. "I'm glad I'm not him."
I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones, my legs as thin as bamboo sticks, and I am the arms merchant, selling deadly weapons to Uganda. I am the 12-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat, who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea pirate, and I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving.....Please call me by my true names, so I can wake up, and so the door of my heart can be left open, the door of compassion. Thich Naht Hanh (1992) Nhat Hanh, Thich. "Please call me by my true names." Human Architecture: Journal of the Sociology of Self-Knowledge 6.3 (2008): 3. http://scholarworks.umb.edu/humanarchitecture/vol6/iss3/3/I really don't care that this "Compassion Muse" is an imperfect representation of my thoughts. My goal was just to sit, not judge, offer no solution, just listen. Something about all this appeals to me. I wonder if I'll have the courage to act on this observation? Is action necessary? It could be good to act on this, if I'm doing the acting from a centered place of compassion. Pity is not love. Empathy seems to have it's own set of problems. Compassion might be self-empowering to the individual. Don't I long to be at all times, and in all circumstances acting from a place of personal self-empowerment?
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