Yesterday, I did a long run. Wanted to push my own definition of what my body is capable. So I ran from my town to the next. My goal was a relative's house. I made it. 26.8km. 2 hours 50 minutes. My time was not bad either. Day after I'm sore, but functional.
In my life I've been pushing limits, mainly self-conceived limitations.
I agree with the idea of physically exerting oneself to test the limitations and break through the lies of "I can't do this or that". So therefore my first non-stop (well only two very short breaks to pee in those hours, since I've not yet got the hang of doing this while in motion!) 26.8 km. A few months ago I was pushing myself to 18 km. Before that a mere 18 months ago, for the fun of it I set out one morning to push through a 7 km wall and ran my first 10K. Not for competition, just sheer fun.
I might learn something important. I still don't know what my limit is. The boundary is being pushed out further and further. Could I do a marathon, and ultra-marathon? 100k, 200k, 300k? Maybe. It will be up to me to keep pushing myself to the limit to establish a new limit. 100k feels ridiculous, out of reach. Yesterday I pushed the boundary to at least 1/2 a marathon. 42.195 kilometres looks more realistic now. So maybe at a some point 100K would not be so ridiculous.
I've noticed some similarities as I look back at other areas of my life that don't include actually keeping my body in motion for 3 solid hours.
I love to read now, used to hate it as a young child. For 15 years I indiscriminately read a lot of nonsense. Of course it was all useful information in the context of church identity and perpetuation of the Gospel. Now I see it as indiscriminate waste of resources. For me, maybe it was a 15 year lesson in being busy about nothing.
More recently in my reading over the last nine years, I've met with many barriers. Slowly I've pushed through mental-barriers that I thought might be impenetrable. When my brain says not another paragraph, not another sentence, not another word, not another letter, well . . . . if you've already punched through several walls, then what is meeting one more, and for the fun of it, trying to penetrate the next barrier and see what is on the other side.
Emotionally I've encountered the "runner's wall" throughout my life. I've been stymied sometimes. Lost ground. Stopped moving forward, had huge set backs. I cannot say that I've remained exactly the same.
In spite of myself and all the "walls" one thing I've learned is to never quit. It's just not in me. The idea of quitting is repulsive. Something in me says to accept stagnation would be some kind of moral suicide. In this I have no choice. I'm permanently in motion as long as I breathe. I'm headed somewhere, making some new discovery about myself or the way I think.
I'm up against something now that seems undefined, foggy and illusory. It involves only me. It's got to do with self-assurance and with knowing what I know, without putting others down, becoming defensive, closed-hearted or closed-minded. Honesty is at the root. An element of freedom will be uncovered. Perhaps more responsibility will be entailed in the uncovering of this illusive thing. Likely important self-actuation and speaking my mind as I see things will emerge. Being true to a deeper level of self-intuition and self-trust will be the likely result.
It's the shadow of a conception at the moment. There's a wall, because of self-limiting beliefs. I've had many self-limiting beliefs in the past. Each has been gradually laid to rest. The unhelpfulness of each has been honestly admitted too. The story of each belief that arose, back in it's day, had some "good" reason. As unacceptable as the belief was, it merited a function in my destiny. The unhelpful part is that many self-limiting beliefs kept me in a vicious state of anxiety and self-doubt for a very long time.
Integration, re-purposing of those beliefs has always been the key to punching through to the next ahah moment. A strengthening of inner wisdom emerges. Self-doubt and anxiety have relaxed and new roles and functions have been found for the less-helpful bad habits. My enemies in the end have become allies.
A good friend of mine keeps me challenged to keep pursuing the hunt of who I am. Echos of Sartre's "Being and Nothingness" are part of the looking to find. Part of me won't surrender to giving up the pursuit of deepening myself, of getting to know myself better, and then there is another part that is squinting into the blinding light of self-awareness and thinks that by squinting it will stay in the dark! Yea right. Self hiding from self. It's truly a weird sensation.
Expansion is possible. I know I've expanded my self-awareness. It's been helpful to come out of hiding and know who I am. Sooo in order to discover I'm pushing the limits. For a moment, the present moment, my emotions are sagging, lagging, complaining. It's misty and as yet the brilliance of self-awareness has not burned off the haze yet.
It's okay that I don't see my way clearly at the moment. Something tells me, based on previous experience, that it would be best to keep pushing. Eventually, at some point in the future, be it the next moment or years of next moments, this thing will "click" into sharp focus. I'll have made that all important connection between vagueness and crystal clear awareness.
Then I'll have a wondrous discovery, then I'll acknowledge progress and possibly be ready to penetrate another aspect of the same thing that today only appears to be one, but may emerge as a many sided or multi-verse of sub-issues needing attention.
I think I can honestly say that I'm up to the challenge. I've no doubt that a better me will result. After all it's myself that I must live with. I'd like to think that I can live in harmony with myself, truly love myself, know myself . . . and I don't think any of this qualifies as selfishness or unhealthy self interest. Might not self-interest be of utmost importance?
The ancient Delphi maxim: " γνῶθι σαυτόν " "know thyself" still holds true in my estimation, it's depths have still not been plumed for myself personally.
In my life I've been pushing limits, mainly self-conceived limitations.
I agree with the idea of physically exerting oneself to test the limitations and break through the lies of "I can't do this or that". So therefore my first non-stop (well only two very short breaks to pee in those hours, since I've not yet got the hang of doing this while in motion!) 26.8 km. A few months ago I was pushing myself to 18 km. Before that a mere 18 months ago, for the fun of it I set out one morning to push through a 7 km wall and ran my first 10K. Not for competition, just sheer fun.
I might learn something important. I still don't know what my limit is. The boundary is being pushed out further and further. Could I do a marathon, and ultra-marathon? 100k, 200k, 300k? Maybe. It will be up to me to keep pushing myself to the limit to establish a new limit. 100k feels ridiculous, out of reach. Yesterday I pushed the boundary to at least 1/2 a marathon. 42.195 kilometres looks more realistic now. So maybe at a some point 100K would not be so ridiculous.
I've noticed some similarities as I look back at other areas of my life that don't include actually keeping my body in motion for 3 solid hours.
I love to read now, used to hate it as a young child. For 15 years I indiscriminately read a lot of nonsense. Of course it was all useful information in the context of church identity and perpetuation of the Gospel. Now I see it as indiscriminate waste of resources. For me, maybe it was a 15 year lesson in being busy about nothing.
More recently in my reading over the last nine years, I've met with many barriers. Slowly I've pushed through mental-barriers that I thought might be impenetrable. When my brain says not another paragraph, not another sentence, not another word, not another letter, well . . . . if you've already punched through several walls, then what is meeting one more, and for the fun of it, trying to penetrate the next barrier and see what is on the other side.
Emotionally I've encountered the "runner's wall" throughout my life. I've been stymied sometimes. Lost ground. Stopped moving forward, had huge set backs. I cannot say that I've remained exactly the same.
In spite of myself and all the "walls" one thing I've learned is to never quit. It's just not in me. The idea of quitting is repulsive. Something in me says to accept stagnation would be some kind of moral suicide. In this I have no choice. I'm permanently in motion as long as I breathe. I'm headed somewhere, making some new discovery about myself or the way I think.
I'm up against something now that seems undefined, foggy and illusory. It involves only me. It's got to do with self-assurance and with knowing what I know, without putting others down, becoming defensive, closed-hearted or closed-minded. Honesty is at the root. An element of freedom will be uncovered. Perhaps more responsibility will be entailed in the uncovering of this illusive thing. Likely important self-actuation and speaking my mind as I see things will emerge. Being true to a deeper level of self-intuition and self-trust will be the likely result.
It's the shadow of a conception at the moment. There's a wall, because of self-limiting beliefs. I've had many self-limiting beliefs in the past. Each has been gradually laid to rest. The unhelpfulness of each has been honestly admitted too. The story of each belief that arose, back in it's day, had some "good" reason. As unacceptable as the belief was, it merited a function in my destiny. The unhelpful part is that many self-limiting beliefs kept me in a vicious state of anxiety and self-doubt for a very long time.
Integration, re-purposing of those beliefs has always been the key to punching through to the next ahah moment. A strengthening of inner wisdom emerges. Self-doubt and anxiety have relaxed and new roles and functions have been found for the less-helpful bad habits. My enemies in the end have become allies.
A good friend of mine keeps me challenged to keep pursuing the hunt of who I am. Echos of Sartre's "Being and Nothingness" are part of the looking to find. Part of me won't surrender to giving up the pursuit of deepening myself, of getting to know myself better, and then there is another part that is squinting into the blinding light of self-awareness and thinks that by squinting it will stay in the dark! Yea right. Self hiding from self. It's truly a weird sensation.
Expansion is possible. I know I've expanded my self-awareness. It's been helpful to come out of hiding and know who I am. Sooo in order to discover I'm pushing the limits. For a moment, the present moment, my emotions are sagging, lagging, complaining. It's misty and as yet the brilliance of self-awareness has not burned off the haze yet.
It's okay that I don't see my way clearly at the moment. Something tells me, based on previous experience, that it would be best to keep pushing. Eventually, at some point in the future, be it the next moment or years of next moments, this thing will "click" into sharp focus. I'll have made that all important connection between vagueness and crystal clear awareness.
Then I'll have a wondrous discovery, then I'll acknowledge progress and possibly be ready to penetrate another aspect of the same thing that today only appears to be one, but may emerge as a many sided or multi-verse of sub-issues needing attention.
I think I can honestly say that I'm up to the challenge. I've no doubt that a better me will result. After all it's myself that I must live with. I'd like to think that I can live in harmony with myself, truly love myself, know myself . . . and I don't think any of this qualifies as selfishness or unhealthy self interest. Might not self-interest be of utmost importance?
The ancient Delphi maxim: " γνῶθι σαυτόν " "know thyself" still holds true in my estimation, it's depths have still not been plumed for myself personally.
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